TV addiction: A mother's confession

As a new mom I have lost the joys of sleep, leisure, and soon food. In fact I mentioned to Adam the other night that it may be time for me to stop pretending that I can eat whatever I want because I am pregnant/nursing, to which he thoughtfully replied, "Its been a good run..." With this impending additional loss I find I have only one real indulgence left in my life: Television. When Molly was born we didn't even have cable. I was sustained by the news and re-watching seasons of Gilmore Girls on DVD and I was fine with that. During the first week of her life I was an emotional mess, I could not cope with this tiny fragile creature, the loss of freedom, and the trauma of healing after childbirth. One day, in a particularly horrible moment, I was uncontrollably bawling and Adam came walking in the door from work on the phone with the cable company. He announced that he was ordering me cable WITH a DVR and I have never loved him more than in that moment! Since then we have also added netflix to our repertoire and I am now frequently disturbed by the amount of TV I watch on a daily basis. I really need to get control, but I find that it really gets me through the day. I'm not always watching it, sometimes I have it on as background noise or just to feel like I am not alone. Am I the only one? Those of you without TV, how do you do it?

New post, REALLY!

Dear blogging world, its been so long! The thought of catching up on all the details of the last 6 months makes me want to faint, so I will just hit the highlights. First and foremost I FINALLY finished my stinking degree hooray!!! Thats right blogging folk, I am officially a doctor now so if anyone ever yells, "Is there a doctor in the house?" I am now obligated to stand up and offer my fluting skills.
Mostly this degree makes me happy because I never have to pay tuition to ASU ever again EVER!!! Hip Hip Hooray!!! Did I mention that this means NEVER EVER??!!! Other than that, my doctorhood doesn't really have any bearing on our daily lives. I like to think that Molly appreciates my newfound smartiness, but I think she loves me mostly because I feed her.

Aside from my graduation, all our other milestones revolve around our sweet little baby girl. Molly is about to turn 8 months old and she continues to be pure joy in little girl form. She has two little teeth, she sits up by herself, rolls over and recently has started to scoot around on her belly. She smiles and laughs all the time and LOVES to snuggle. I spend most of my day trying to not to squeeze her too hard, she is SO cute to me! So far I think she is going to be a chatterbox and a little social butterfly. Her favorite thing to do is be around other kids. She basically freaks out with excitement when she sees other babies, and I actually think she said her first word last week: mama. I wouldn't really count it, but I was teaching a flute lesson and my student, her mother and sister all agreed that she was definitely saying to me. I may be stretching that one a bit...She is still trying to learn how to sleep through the night. She has good days and bad days. In fact any sleep advice from seasoned mothers would be greatly appreciated...
I could talk about Molly all day long, but for the sake of the blogging world I will wrap it up. I love love love her!!!!

warning: a downer

Tonight after putting Molly down, I started looking at old pictures on the computer. I came across our engagement pictures and I was actually shocked by how young I look. Adam and I have only been married for about 2 1/2 years, however it might as well have been my senior portraits considering the difference between then and now. I remember my sister-in-law once remarked that she couldn't wait to turn 30 because then she would be as old as she really felt. She has 3 children. I couldn't understand it at the time, but now I totally get it. Its not just the new added work and responsibility of my little bebe, it is just life. I have come to the sad realization that the further I get into my life, the more work it becomes and the thought frankly depresses me. I suppose the paybacks get better too, Molly smiles etc. but man I do I feel old...

p.s. Aside from my elderly status, motherhood is getting better and better. I confess I kiss my baby's cheeks about a thousand times a day. I cannot stop, they are so soft and sweet smelling! I love love love that baby, it literally makes my heart hurt aaahhhh!!!

p.p.s. Adam thinks I am furiously typing my dissertation...

Molly

In honor of Molly turning one month old today, I thought I would briefly share my birth story. I was due on July 11th, however that date came and went with no action. When I went in for an appointment on July 12th, I was dilated to a 2 and effaced 80 percent. My doctor scheduled an inducement for the 15th, but she also said she thought I would go into labor before then. Nope.
On the 15th at 6pm I checked into the hospital for my inducement. I hadn't dilated any more so they gave me a pill to help me efface completely. The plan was to start petocin 4 hours later. That was at 7 and by 8 I started having very strong regular contractions about 3 minutes apart. After another hour they checked me again and I was at a 4 and ready to blow my brains out. At this point they ordered my epidural, and by the time it was administered (45 minutes later) I had dilated to a 7. Oh how I love epidurals! I have no desire to ever give birth naturally, and at some point I even told Adam I was going to bare my testimony about epidurals at church. My doctor broke my water at this point and I read magazines until a few hours later when I was dilated to a 10 and ready to push. I pushed for an hour and a half until all of a sudden little Molly came out. It was the best feeling in the world when she came out and they put her on my chest! She was so sweet with all her dark hair, I thought I was going to explode with love and relief!
Unfortunately she was soon showing signs of respiratory distress so they quickly whisked her off to the NICU. It turns out she had inhaled amniotic fluid on her way out and had a large amount of fluid in her right lung. They were able to dry out her lung with a C-pap machine and she was able to leave the hospital the next day. The birth experience was absolutely amazing, but her breathing issues were completely terrifying. I think I cried for 2 days straight, I was so emotional.
Molly's lungs are perfect now and she is a sweet and peaceful baby. Being a mother is so much harder than I ever thought, but I love having my beautiful girl. She is such a joy and we love her so much!

baby

Well, the crib is up, the stroller is assembled, all the clothes are washed and folded and I think I may be almost ready for this little cowgirl to get here. Tomorrow I am 38 weeks and will be facing a meager 2 weeks until B-day. When I started this pregnancy it seemed like it would last forever, and now it feels like its gone by way too fast. In fact, I secretly wish that she would just stay nice and tucked in her little home where she doesn't cry, get sick and spit-up. I am enjoying our little girls only club, where I am the only one who knows when she has the hiccups or when she is going crazy because I fed her licorice (it feels like she is playing soccer after a good dose of red vines). And sadly enough in addition to worrying about her general health, I already worry that she is growing up too fast.

For you, wendy:)

New Embarrassing Moment

Last night I went to Target to look for a couple of nursing bras. Unfortunately while trying the bras on, the door lock to my room proved faulty. This wouldn't have been a giant problem except my back was to the door and I didn't notice it had swung wide open. I had also chosen the first stall in the dressing rooms so it was situated right by the entrance and visible to all the shoppers in the store. As I turned around, fully exposed, I was able to see that I had been putting on quite the show for all of Target...

annoyed

I have a new pregnancy pet peeve. It has nothing to do with heart burn or swollen ankles, I am starting to get a little annoyed by people publicly congratulating themselves on deciding to forego pain medication and give birth naturally. They brag about all the benefits and how their babies will be more alert, latch on better, stronger, basically possess super human traits, and in every way start out life already totally kicking other babies' cute little bums. For some, their pride at taking on natural childbirth makes them feel like they are somehow better than those of us weaklings who are realistic about their pain thresholds and want to rely on modern medicine to help the birthing process. I have no problem with people who actually have given birth naturally or plan to, kudos to them in fact, however I don't think this empowers people to be so condescending about others' birth choices. Millions of babies have been born with epidurals and somehow manage to embrace life just fine. So for me, bring on the meds, I prefer to give birth without begging people to kill me and put me out of my misery. Maybe someday I will feel differently, however for now I strongly stand beside my decision to be a wimp.